In 2008, I took a Creative Writing course during my bachelor’s English. Here’s assignment 4: Dialogue.

 

Assignment 4 – Domestic dialogue

LB: Wow, you see that kid over there? She’s a genius!
OB:  I am driving a car, Philip.
LB: She is the best! I’ve never seen anyone skip rope like that! I wish I could do it.
OB: Philip, you are a 43 year old male.
LB: I don’t care, it was amazing.
OB: I don’t think I can ever be proud of you if your deepest desire is to skip rope.
LB: I didn’t say it was my deepest desire.
OB: …
LB: Did you notice I had my hair cut?
OB: Yes, I did.
LB: … So what d’you think?
OB: I think it fits you.
LB: Why do you say that?
OB: Because it is polite to say that.
LB: So you don’t like it?
OB: I am not an expert concerning haircuts. You know that.
LB: I just asked if you like it. You don’t need expertise for that.
OB: …
LB: Do you think the ducks are back yet?
OB: They usually return in March.
LB: I just hope they took another month off in Africa. I really hate those ducks. Oh no!
OB: What is it?
LB: Do you think I’ll see those ducks when I go to Tunisia this winter?
OB: I consider it highly unlikely.
LB: It would be strange to see them over there. Perhaps they are much more friendly if they are enjoying themselves. Everyone seems to be friendlier if they are on a holiday.
OB: Do you want to hand over the flowers this time?
LB: No thanks, I have bought something myself.
OB: You’ve never done that before.
LB: I know, but isn’t it great I did now? I bought a necklace at one of those small jewelry stands downtown.
OB: Those are not jewelry stands. They only sell small pieces of metal. Did you check if it is made of nickel?
LB: No, I didn’t.
OB: You didn’t. Do you want to poison our mother?
LB: What? Of course not.
OB: She is allergic to nickel. You ought to know such things.
LB: I was just trying to be nice.
OB: You do not have to be nice. You have to be thoughtful. It would not be the first time you hurt Mother.
LB: What?! What did I do?
OB: You didn’t show up on her wedding anniversary. You didn’t come to her choir performance and you didn’t send her a card for Francis’ birthday.
LB: A card for Francis? He’s a turtle!
OB: Mother cares about it, so you should at least do something.
LB: I’m not gonna send cards to every turtle Mom’s got! I don’t even know half of their names.
OB: You should try to learn them.
 

 

OB: I told you you would hurt Mother.
LB: I already said I’m sorry. I feel miserable enough as it is, so please stop talking about it. I’m sorry!
OB: That is not going to bring Fred back to live. You should not have told her. We could have bought another one.
LB: I may hurt Mum, but I will never lie to her.
OB: She would not be crying now if you had lied.
LB: It would have hurt her a lot more.
OB: No, it wouldn’t. She would never have known and she would only be a bit worried about her missing turtle until we had found a new Fred. Lying is not a bad thing if you prevent hurt.
LB: You know I don’t agree with that.
OB: That’s the reason I am telling you this. You should try to change.
LB: Into a liar.
OB: Into a sensible adult, keeping his mother from hurt.
LB: …
OB: Yes, Mother? …  It’s in the fridge … No, just take it easy, we’ll start cooking. Let’s start.
LB: What are we going to make?
OB: It looks like it will be some kind of casserole.
LB: I can do that, no problem.
OB: Everybody can make a casserole.
LB: What does it matter, as long as we can make one now?
OB: Can you hand me the recipe?
LB: Why would you want to use it? We can make our own recipe.
OB: I don’t want to risk the failure of our supper.
LB: Mum would deviate from the recipe, you know.
OB: Yes, I know, but Mother is a good cook. We’re not.
LB: At least put in some extra mushrooms.
OB: It says three mushrooms on the recipe, so three mushrooms it will be.
LB: Why do you think Mum has bought an entire box?
OB: To make another one later on. We’ll stick to the recipe.
LB: I give up. I feel like I’m talking to a wall.
OB: Please turn off the radio. I can’t focus like this.
LB: Oh come on, you don’t mean that.
OB: I do mean it.
LB: How can a little music prevent you from cooking? You don’t need your ears for cooking. At least, I never use them.
OB: Just be nice and turn it off.
LB: Hey, here’s that song that you used to like. We bought the record for your birthday. Yeah, I remember! We danced all evening. She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah.
OB: …
LB: We even climbed on the roof and sung it there. Then Mum got mad and got us down. That was fun.
OB: It’s a miracle we didn’t get hurt. We should never have done it.

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